Erik, Thank you for this beautiful and profound article. I almost always struggle to express my feelings and emotions. Following your work has given me a beautiful outlet and the opportunity to reflect on my suffering and what I can learn from it on my way to glimpses of peace and happiness. God Bless You, brother!
Hi Erik, as I read this, I thought: OMG, another Enneagram 4! (Maybe you're not, but this is so much the language we speak!) Everything you write here feels so true to me ... it is in the darkness, in the shadow (as uncomfortable as it is) -- where I so often find the truth that I have hidden (complicit with others) from myself. Thank you for this, it goes so deep into my soul ... where finally, I am able to see the light I hid from myself, the light I am.
AMEN x 10 !!! Here are some of my favorite, complimentary axioms:
"The way to happiness is to go into the darkness of yourself. That's the place the seed is nourished, takes its roots and grows up, and becomes ultimately the plant and the flower. You can only go upward by first going downward." - James Broughton
“If you get rid of the pain before you have answered its questions, you get rid of the self along with it." - Carl Yung
“Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.” - Martin Luther King
"No mud, no lotus." - My Buddhist dharma teacher
“The blues is like a fire in the belly that comes out your mouth. So you better put an instrument in front of it.” - Lisa Simpson
In editor Frederick Busch's really fine essay anthology LETTERS TO A FICTION WRITER, Andre Dubus related that the poet Michael Van Walleghan identified Kafka and Kierkegaard as his heroes because they managed to keep writing even though they were mired in a perception and state of darkness that would have overwhelmed anyone else and made them go silent. Or actually, Walleghan said it much better than that: He said the two K's were his heroes “because they lived in the abyss, and kept throwing books out of it.”
It's so rare to come across a piece that so beautifully articulates what I've always believed: that our emotional struggles, far from being problems to fix, are integral to our human experience. I’ve always been deeply against the increasing "medicalisation of the human condition," which often pathologises what are, in essence, natural responses to life’s complexities.
Through thoughtful and profound mediums like this, we gain the clarity needed to understand the intricate tapestry of our emotions, moods, and mental states. Instead of trying to escape or suppress them, we learn to embrace them, discovering their transformative potential.
This perspective is not just insightful. It's liberating, reminding us of the richness of facing our inner darkness with courage and curiosity.
Thanks Erik for again putting words to the similar thoughts many of us have but haven't quite put to paper so elegantly. I am very concerned about the dopamine hits of social media and our phones. It seems we are all living in a superficial zone of attention deficit disorder and can't process anything at depth. I honestly think it is the primary driver of this rightward drift that is happening around the planet. It is a turn back to the dark ages.
Good work. Sometimes it's a struggle, when melancholy is your normal place. Too many tell you to smile. As if a smile defines anything other than muscle movement. Forced facial expression is basically prostitution. Leave me with my world. Much more joy arrises from the depths. Thank you
I can relate to what you’ve said. Sometimes I struggle with expectations too. Especially when it feels like people want surface-level positivity instead of authenticity. Joy does come from deeper, more genuine places, and it’s comforting seeing others who understand that.
Wishing you continued strength in embracing your world.
In season 4, episode 10 of The Sopranos, Svetlana Kirilenko, a Russian emigre from the Advanced School of Brutally Hard Knocks (after the 1989 fall of the Soviet Union), enjoys a tryst with Tony Soprano. Following their one-night stand, Svetlana responds to Tony’s suggestion that they continue seeing each other by telling him that he’s too high maintenance for her. She perceives, but doesn’t say to him, that it’s his underlying insecurity, neediness, and very confused sense of identity that is the root problem.
He dismisses her rejection, and he thoughtlessly says it would be a good thing for each of them that they carry on after their dalliance. Svetlana then replies: “That’s the trouble with you Americans. You expect nothing bad ever to happen, when the rest of the world expects only bad to happen. And they’re not disappointed.”
Since watching this episode, I’ve been thinking about what Svetlana offers in reply to Tony’s optimism and why it resonates so. In Europe Svetlana’s view isn’t pessimism, but realism. In German that’s Realismus, in Russian it’s реализм. You don’t have to live in Europe, or Russia, very long to understand the profound historical and cultural context of Realismus.
Nice post, Erik, a lot of good bloody red meat to chew, ponder and digest.
I don’t know if you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, and that doesn’t matter to me. I have had wires and very serious girlfriend relationships, and I have been a monk.
I want to share something here, which you can delete if you feel it isn’t appropriate. It is derived from something I posted at my alabamalawyerbecameamystic.com blog last night, November 30. Maybe it will be of interest here, because it is about a way of living that your post today encourages- introspection, peering into darkness, getting to know ourselves intimately.
So here it is:
Once upon a time could be how to begin writing about this topic. But the truth is, it’s happening today, sometimes. I know this, because I experienced paradise mating, directed by angels known in the Bible, with several very different women. We did not complete the course of study, which is very challenging, but we tried. Now, age 82, I’ve been given another pass at it.
Basically, paradise mating is about a man and a woman paired by angels of the Lord getting a chance to walk hand and hand into Eden before the Fall. To get there, the candidates must pass through the two cherubim and their fire swords, which God placed at the gate of Eden to protect the Tree of Life and its ways, as per Genesis. This training is part of Melchizedek training. It sometimes is called Holy Grail training.
I understand there is paradise mating for men and women traveling alone, and for non-heterosexual people. I imagine the general abc’s are the same for a paired man and woman.
I am a mystic, made so by angels known in the Bible, who, starting early 1987, turned me upside down and inside out and every which a way but loose. Their main way of changing me and how I perceived and dealt with just about everything was they stood me before endless mirrors, looking at me. They taught me to discern spirits in me, in other people, in society, including religions and politics. They taught me that there are no fig leaves in paradise, nor any secrets. They proved to me in many ways that they, Jesus, God, the Devil, demons, ETs, and other beings not recognized by science and religion, exist. They didn’t care if I belonged to a religion, or not. They still don’t care.
The angels inspired me to write a novel about paradise mating in 2001, which is a free read, no soliciting, at archive.org. Below is a link directly to that tale, which ain’t all made up. There is poetry in the tale, and in larger sense, the tale is a poem. Not for the faint of heart or prudes, maybe Charles Bukowski would have liked parts of it?
Happiness is a fleeting moment of superficial and meaningless well-being. Any "soma" provides this transient pleasure. Gratitude, on the other hand, allows us to appreciate the true beauty and meaning of being alive.
Here are words of hope and encouragement from George Orwell in 1946. He lived through the horrors of the Spanish Civil War and would begin to write the dystopian nightmare "1984" a few years later as he was dying from tuberculosis. He managed to write these words of hope despite his pessimistic view of life:
"At any rate, spring is here, even in London N.1, and they can’t stop you enjoying it. This is a satisfying reflection. How many a time have I stood watching the toads mating, or a pair of hares having a boxing match in the young corn, and thought of all the important persons who would stop me enjoying this if they could. But luckily they can’t. So long as you are not actually ill, hungry, frightened or immured in a prison or a holiday camp, Spring is still Spring. The atom bombs are piling up in the factories, the police are prowling through the cities, the lies are streaming from the loudspeakers, but the earth is still going round the sun, and neither the dictators nor the bureaucrats, deeply as they disapprove of the process, are able to prevent it."
Soon, when we merge our nervous systems with the master algorithm we'll be free of all these pesky emotions and murky sentient ordeals. We will be the convulsing marionettes of our own automated shadows. It will be so convenient and efficient. All the commercials will come true and we'll finally get what we deserve.
I think what I hate about AI is that it could be providing input about our wants and needs in such a way that in my younger days there was no question it was God. Those times when exactly the information you needed or wanted just happened to be the first article you read when you opened a paper periodical. Earlier today I read an article by a young lady whose teacher told her that depressed people are more insightful about life.Some lady, putting words in the teachers mouth, said it was irresponsible and manipulative to teach kids that depression is the norm.I planned to write about the roll adversity has played in my life when I came across this fine article. Oh, is it AI or is it happenstance? The truth is that it doesn't matter, It is always God.
Erik, Thank you for this beautiful and profound article. I almost always struggle to express my feelings and emotions. Following your work has given me a beautiful outlet and the opportunity to reflect on my suffering and what I can learn from it on my way to glimpses of peace and happiness. God Bless You, brother!
I really appreciate the kind words. Thank you so much!
Hi Erik, as I read this, I thought: OMG, another Enneagram 4! (Maybe you're not, but this is so much the language we speak!) Everything you write here feels so true to me ... it is in the darkness, in the shadow (as uncomfortable as it is) -- where I so often find the truth that I have hidden (complicit with others) from myself. Thank you for this, it goes so deep into my soul ... where finally, I am able to see the light I hid from myself, the light I am.
Thank you so much!
Another 4, raising hand.
me three. another 4 and Erik’s words were a hit home to what i believe, feel, consider and am
I just love our Enneagram Su! I feel like we struggle, but we are so lucky to be able to see so deeply into life. Gratitude to you sister 4!
AMEN x 10 !!! Here are some of my favorite, complimentary axioms:
"The way to happiness is to go into the darkness of yourself. That's the place the seed is nourished, takes its roots and grows up, and becomes ultimately the plant and the flower. You can only go upward by first going downward." - James Broughton
“If you get rid of the pain before you have answered its questions, you get rid of the self along with it." - Carl Yung
“Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.” - Martin Luther King
"No mud, no lotus." - My Buddhist dharma teacher
“The blues is like a fire in the belly that comes out your mouth. So you better put an instrument in front of it.” - Lisa Simpson
“It’s that eternal whisper reminding us that we may not be living in alignment with our soul’s true calling.” Love it
Resonant:
In editor Frederick Busch's really fine essay anthology LETTERS TO A FICTION WRITER, Andre Dubus related that the poet Michael Van Walleghan identified Kafka and Kierkegaard as his heroes because they managed to keep writing even though they were mired in a perception and state of darkness that would have overwhelmed anyone else and made them go silent. Or actually, Walleghan said it much better than that: He said the two K's were his heroes “because they lived in the abyss, and kept throwing books out of it.”
That's awesome. I'll have to read that. Thanks.
Thank you for gifting full access to this piece! Huge gift and I thank you multiple times
What a refreshing read!
It's so rare to come across a piece that so beautifully articulates what I've always believed: that our emotional struggles, far from being problems to fix, are integral to our human experience. I’ve always been deeply against the increasing "medicalisation of the human condition," which often pathologises what are, in essence, natural responses to life’s complexities.
Through thoughtful and profound mediums like this, we gain the clarity needed to understand the intricate tapestry of our emotions, moods, and mental states. Instead of trying to escape or suppress them, we learn to embrace them, discovering their transformative potential.
This perspective is not just insightful. It's liberating, reminding us of the richness of facing our inner darkness with courage and curiosity.
Dom
Your writing is close to a magical snap out of it. 🔥
https://justaplacebo.substack.com/p/blind-mindless-euphoria-vs-the-trudging
Thanks Erik for again putting words to the similar thoughts many of us have but haven't quite put to paper so elegantly. I am very concerned about the dopamine hits of social media and our phones. It seems we are all living in a superficial zone of attention deficit disorder and can't process anything at depth. I honestly think it is the primary driver of this rightward drift that is happening around the planet. It is a turn back to the dark ages.
Good work. Sometimes it's a struggle, when melancholy is your normal place. Too many tell you to smile. As if a smile defines anything other than muscle movement. Forced facial expression is basically prostitution. Leave me with my world. Much more joy arrises from the depths. Thank you
What a clear perspective!
I can relate to what you’ve said. Sometimes I struggle with expectations too. Especially when it feels like people want surface-level positivity instead of authenticity. Joy does come from deeper, more genuine places, and it’s comforting seeing others who understand that.
Wishing you continued strength in embracing your world.
Dom
In season 4, episode 10 of The Sopranos, Svetlana Kirilenko, a Russian emigre from the Advanced School of Brutally Hard Knocks (after the 1989 fall of the Soviet Union), enjoys a tryst with Tony Soprano. Following their one-night stand, Svetlana responds to Tony’s suggestion that they continue seeing each other by telling him that he’s too high maintenance for her. She perceives, but doesn’t say to him, that it’s his underlying insecurity, neediness, and very confused sense of identity that is the root problem.
He dismisses her rejection, and he thoughtlessly says it would be a good thing for each of them that they carry on after their dalliance. Svetlana then replies: “That’s the trouble with you Americans. You expect nothing bad ever to happen, when the rest of the world expects only bad to happen. And they’re not disappointed.”
Since watching this episode, I’ve been thinking about what Svetlana offers in reply to Tony’s optimism and why it resonates so. In Europe Svetlana’s view isn’t pessimism, but realism. In German that’s Realismus, in Russian it’s реализм. You don’t have to live in Europe, or Russia, very long to understand the profound historical and cultural context of Realismus.
Nice post, Erik, a lot of good bloody red meat to chew, ponder and digest.
I don’t know if you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, and that doesn’t matter to me. I have had wires and very serious girlfriend relationships, and I have been a monk.
I want to share something here, which you can delete if you feel it isn’t appropriate. It is derived from something I posted at my alabamalawyerbecameamystic.com blog last night, November 30. Maybe it will be of interest here, because it is about a way of living that your post today encourages- introspection, peering into darkness, getting to know ourselves intimately.
So here it is:
Once upon a time could be how to begin writing about this topic. But the truth is, it’s happening today, sometimes. I know this, because I experienced paradise mating, directed by angels known in the Bible, with several very different women. We did not complete the course of study, which is very challenging, but we tried. Now, age 82, I’ve been given another pass at it.
Basically, paradise mating is about a man and a woman paired by angels of the Lord getting a chance to walk hand and hand into Eden before the Fall. To get there, the candidates must pass through the two cherubim and their fire swords, which God placed at the gate of Eden to protect the Tree of Life and its ways, as per Genesis. This training is part of Melchizedek training. It sometimes is called Holy Grail training.
I understand there is paradise mating for men and women traveling alone, and for non-heterosexual people. I imagine the general abc’s are the same for a paired man and woman.
I am a mystic, made so by angels known in the Bible, who, starting early 1987, turned me upside down and inside out and every which a way but loose. Their main way of changing me and how I perceived and dealt with just about everything was they stood me before endless mirrors, looking at me. They taught me to discern spirits in me, in other people, in society, including religions and politics. They taught me that there are no fig leaves in paradise, nor any secrets. They proved to me in many ways that they, Jesus, God, the Devil, demons, ETs, and other beings not recognized by science and religion, exist. They didn’t care if I belonged to a religion, or not. They still don’t care.
The angels inspired me to write a novel about paradise mating in 2001, which is a free read, no soliciting, at archive.org. Below is a link directly to that tale, which ain’t all made up. There is poetry in the tale, and in larger sense, the tale is a poem. Not for the faint of heart or prudes, maybe Charles Bukowski would have liked parts of it?
https://archive.org/details/heavy-wait-a-strange-tale_202212
Its bloody, grisly sometimes funny sequel squirmed up out of me last year. Also a free read, no soliciting:
https://archive.org/details/retun-of-the-strange-v-20_202306
Happiness is a fleeting moment of superficial and meaningless well-being. Any "soma" provides this transient pleasure. Gratitude, on the other hand, allows us to appreciate the true beauty and meaning of being alive.
Here are words of hope and encouragement from George Orwell in 1946. He lived through the horrors of the Spanish Civil War and would begin to write the dystopian nightmare "1984" a few years later as he was dying from tuberculosis. He managed to write these words of hope despite his pessimistic view of life:
"At any rate, spring is here, even in London N.1, and they can’t stop you enjoying it. This is a satisfying reflection. How many a time have I stood watching the toads mating, or a pair of hares having a boxing match in the young corn, and thought of all the important persons who would stop me enjoying this if they could. But luckily they can’t. So long as you are not actually ill, hungry, frightened or immured in a prison or a holiday camp, Spring is still Spring. The atom bombs are piling up in the factories, the police are prowling through the cities, the lies are streaming from the loudspeakers, but the earth is still going round the sun, and neither the dictators nor the bureaucrats, deeply as they disapprove of the process, are able to prevent it."
https://www.orwellfoundation.com/the-orwell-foundation/orwell/essays-and-other-works/some-thoughts-on-the-common-toad/
Soon, when we merge our nervous systems with the master algorithm we'll be free of all these pesky emotions and murky sentient ordeals. We will be the convulsing marionettes of our own automated shadows. It will be so convenient and efficient. All the commercials will come true and we'll finally get what we deserve.
Thank you
I think what I hate about AI is that it could be providing input about our wants and needs in such a way that in my younger days there was no question it was God. Those times when exactly the information you needed or wanted just happened to be the first article you read when you opened a paper periodical. Earlier today I read an article by a young lady whose teacher told her that depressed people are more insightful about life.Some lady, putting words in the teachers mouth, said it was irresponsible and manipulative to teach kids that depression is the norm.I planned to write about the roll adversity has played in my life when I came across this fine article. Oh, is it AI or is it happenstance? The truth is that it doesn't matter, It is always God.